he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
