I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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