she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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