I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You may now shotgun with the bride
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
