i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
