I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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