If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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