i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
