ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
