Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
