The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
