Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
