I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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