Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
