Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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