I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
