Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is my gift to your gina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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