I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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