I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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