MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
