I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
