i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As shirtless as possible
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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