Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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