glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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