just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His hands were made for my vagina.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
