Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He passed out mid-signature
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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