just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
