You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
