My friends, they love my intelligence
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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