I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize