____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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