i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
