...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
