If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
