My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just had sex bonerless
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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