Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
