Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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