You're so nebulous sometimes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
