just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
