do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize