We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
