I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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