I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
