oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
