i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
