I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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