so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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