It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
