turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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