my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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