these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
