my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize