Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
