Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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