so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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