I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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