so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
