I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Randomize