You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
