Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
