nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
