dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
