oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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