I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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