I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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