Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
