i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
