I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
