My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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