at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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