I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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