did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
