To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
