It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
