things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
