Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
