Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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