Got a toothbrush?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
