the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
