Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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