so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
