then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You ruined the universe
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
