I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
