I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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