hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
