There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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