When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
