i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
